The COVID-19 vaccine is officially approved and available in the U.S.

Sweet!

Right on cue, some related conspiracy theories are gaining momentum. The COVID-19 vaccine is an easy target for a few reasons. It was made from the ground up in nine months when typical vaccines take at least ten years, it is the world’s first mRNA based vaccine, and lastly, it’s a vaccine. All vaccines are conspiracy theory magnets. 

Let’s talk about them!

Firstly, if you haven’t read my introductory post on the COVID-19 vaccine, I’d recommend giving that a read first so you have an idea what the COVID-19 vaccine is!

Secondly, let’s remember that in reality no vaccine is 100% safe. Is there a possibility that some people will experience serious side effects from the COVID-19 vaccine? Yes. Does that mean you shouldn’t get it? No. To hear my reasoning behind this check out my COVID-19 introductory post and my post on how traditional vaccines work.

Also, don’t mistake this post as me downplaying negative side effects that do exist or saying that caution towards vaccines is not smart. It’s always good to have a healthy level of skepticism and ask challenging questions. But sometimes, things get ridiculous and unreasonable. 

Conspiracy Theory #1: The vaccine will alter your genetics

Why is literally no one excited about this? Do you realize this could potentially be AWESOME!? I mean, everyone always assumes that this will be a negative thing. Could altering your DNA result in some absolutely terrible changes? Yea, technically. But it could also potentially be a really positive change! What if the COVID-19 vaccine gave you superpowers? Sign me up!

But seriously, the COVID-19 vaccine is primarily made of mRNA (messenger RNA) that teaches our bodies how to fight off (build immunity against) the COVID-19 virus. RNA is classified as genetic material; however, it is very different from DNA. For one thing, DNA is locked away inside the nucleus of our cells and neither enters nor exits. mRNA can generally exit the nucleus (It is made in the nucleus.), but it cannot re-enter the nucleus once it leaves. That’s why it’s called messenger RNA. It carries the message (instructions) from the DNA to the rest of the cell.

I described it in a previous post as a friend (mRNA) reading a recipe (DNA) from a cookbook (nucleus) to you while you (the rest of the cell) do the cooking. Your friend may mess up and tell you the wrong instructions occasionally, but that would not alter the true recipe printed in the cookbook. 

The synthesized mRNA from the COVID-19 vaccine simply cannot alter your DNA because it can’t get into the nucleus where your DNA is located. And even if it could, it still wouldn’t be able to do anything like insert itself into your DNA. That’s just not how genetics works. Are there some rare occasions where mRNA gets turned into DNA? Yes. But this isn’t one of them. Certain elements need to be in place for that and the COVID-19 vaccine doesn’t have what it takes to make that happen. Also consider that even if it could alter your DNA, so could…

That’s right! The COVID-19 virus itself. The COVID-19 virus is an RNA virus, specifically a positive-sense single-stranded RNA virus. That means the COVID-19 virus injects its own mRNA into your cell, just like the vaccine, only with much more negative side effects. If the COVID-19 vaccine could alter your DNA, so could the COVID-19 virus itself. 

Fun/Scary fact: Throughout history, viruses HAVE altered our DNA. Retroviruses (e.g., HIV) are particularly good at inserting themselves into our DNA. It’s estimated that about 8% of the human genome came from viruses. But that’s another topic 😁Here are two links to get you started down that rabbit hole if you want. Link 1 & Link 2.

Finally, if we could alter our DNA with a simple vaccine injection that would be GREAT news! There are many genetic disorders out there that potentially could be cured if that were possible. With the mountains of research already invested into finding a cure for those diseases, I’m sure we would have already been altering people’s DNA if we knew how to in a controllable manner.  

There’s no significant reason to be concerned that the COVID-19 vaccine will alter your DNA. No superpowers for us today, unfortunately. ☹️

Conspiracy Theory #2: Government microchip/nanochip tracking

Does the U.S. government want to track you and gather all sorts of personal info on you? Yes. Does the government (as well as multiple other companies) already do this everyday? Yes.

Do you have a cell phone (even a basic “dumb” phone)? Use the Internet (hi, you’re on it 😊)? Pay with anything other than cash? If one of these is true for you, then the government and multiple companies can easily track your location and habits already, likely in more detail than you know or would be comfortable with.

Even if a nanochip COULD be inserted in you through that super tiny vaccine needle, there’s no motivation for the government (or others) to do so. Nearly everyone is already voluntarily carrying multiple microchips around that are constantly connected to the internet, cell network, and GPS satellites. Therefore, there’s simply no need to invest time and money into tricking you to receive a nanochip involuntarily. They’ve got what they want already. 

So until I see people carrying their cell phones around in faraday cages, I think a nanochip from a vaccine is the least of our worries. 

Conspiracy Theory #3: 5G antennae 

I’ve heard two forms of this theory. 

Number One

The vaccine will inject a metal into you that will make you susceptible to receiving harmful 5G signals and radiation, essentially turning you into a 5G antennae. These new 5G signals from all of the cell towers are harmful to our bodies and will negatively effect our health! 

Well, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not entirely up-to-date on the safety of 5G signals on our bodies. But, rest assured there are not any metals in either the Pfizer or Moderna COVID-19 vaccines. So, myth busted. But even if there were metals in the vaccine, it would be such a microscopic amount that there’s no way it would be able to attract 5g signals to any significant degree. Besides, you already have much higher levels of other metals in your body (iron and copper, for example) that would pose a much higher risk if this theory were true. In fact, you will have medical issues if your iron or copper levels are off, but it has nothing to do with becoming an antennae. 

Number Two

The micro/nanochip that is inserted will have an antennae that is activated by 5G signal. Then the chip will result in any number of negative things from measuring our vital signs to mind control and/or death.

Alright, we’ve addressed the micro/nanochip theory already. This is simply a twist on that. And it will continue to twist, and twist again, and again. Here’s one follow up question: How would you power such a chip and antennae? After all receiving signal from the cellular antennae and processing data through the microchip is one of the most power-hungry things our phones do. How in the world will such a small nano-chip receive power for more than seconds of 5G cellular reception? There’s no feasible way to ensure there’s any power available to the chip-antennae construct when it’s needed to be “activated,” much less process any data. Does the vaccine come with a charger?

Secondly, there’s definitely cheaper, easier, and less suspicious ways to get such a tiny nanochip/antennae into people. If “the powers that be” really wanted such a tiny inconspicuous device in you it really wouldn’t take much creativity to figure out how to mass distribute it in the population. I mean, just re-release the McRib and stick it in there. Now there’s a conspiracy!

This myth likely arises from the fact that THERE IS current research (backed by Bill Gates, and others) concerning vaccination methods via “micro-needles” that implant a small patch under the skin. This patch emits a near invisible light, called “quantum dots,” that can bee seen with a cell phone filter for vaccine tracking purposes. However, it neither uses any sort of micro/nanochip technology nor has it been tested in any humans yet. The primary plan for this, currently at least, is for use in third world countries where vaccination records are notoriously difficult to keep track of. In fact, this technology was actually developed as a way to decentralize the medical record, not centralize it. Read more about that here

Conspiracy Theory #4: Luciferase

Uh oh, it’s got lucifer in it. That CAN’T be good. 

Sorry, but luciferase has nothing to do with Satan and does not mean that the COVID vaccine is part of some evil Satanic plot. People with little to no expertise on the subject have often mentioned luciferase when discussing the COVID vaccine as some sort of evidence that the vaccine is definitely evil. 

First clue that should tip you off that this is bogus? People who promote this theory often mispronounce luciferase by emphasizing it as LUCIFERase. In reality, it’s pronounced more like luCIFerase.

The truth is luciferase is totally natural and commonly used in research help see how tiny things travel in a laboratory setting. For example, if we inject your arm with an mRNA vaccine does it go where we want it to and not where we don’t want it to. Luciferase is simply an enzyme that results in a fancy thing called bioluminescence. If a chemical reaction is a ball rolling downhill, the enzyme is the hill making the ball go super fast! And bioluminescence simply means the ball is glowing as it’s rolling! That helps the scientist in the lab see where it is located under the microscope. It’s named Luciferase after the Latin word “Lucifer”, which means lightbearer, and it is quite harmless.

You know what else uses luciferase (and luciferin)? Lightning bugs. So unless you think lightning bugs are satanic, then you’re going to need another reason to call the COVID-19 vaccine evil. 

Oh, and “lighting bugs” = “fireflies” for my Northern friends. 😁

Closing Thoughts

I’m afraid these conspiracies will never go away. Just like the myth that Grandaddy Longleg spiders (A.K.A. Daddy Longlegs, Harvestmen) are super venomous, but their mouths not big enough to bite you. The myth does not persist because it’s true but because it sounds interesting. It’s easily debunked, but that’s boring. I’m afraid the same is true for the COVID-19 vaccine. And many other vaccines for that matter; it’s almost like we’ve done this before.

Here’s the deal. I could write 20 more pages of reasons why these and other conspiracy theories surrounding the COVID-19 vaccine are wrong. However, that wouldn’t be enough. At the end of the day the problem with conspiracy theories is that they don’t rely on logic and reasoning. They rely on sensationalism, anecdotal evidence, and connecting unrelated events to build a compelling story. And I’ll be the first to admit they are interesting. I love to get into a good conspiracy theory! But we have got to be able to teach ourselves the ability to step outside the walls of good storytelling and pay attention to facts and truth. It’s often way more boring, but it can keep you from making a poor choice.

I’m not here to tell you what decision you should make, but I do want you to be well-informed, wise, and ultimately confident in whatever decision you do make. 👍

But while we’re at it. Do you have any other questions or potential conspiracies you’ve heard that are keeping you on the fence about getting the COVID-19 vaccine? Let me know, and let’s talk about them! 

Learn more, stay humble. 

TL;DR: Vaccines are conspiracy theory magnets and the COVID-19 vaccine is no different. There’s no reasonable evidence that it will alter your DNA (if it could then the virus could too), insert a computer chip inside you (the government already tracks you), make you a human 5G antennae (you already have metal inside you), and it’s not satanic (unless fireflies are satanic too).