Jolly Roger Flag (skull and crossbones)

“It’s a virus.” 

Have you ever been disappointed when you hear this from your doctor? Many patients are because they know this means it’s a waiting game. Usually, I find that patients are much happier to hear that their problem is bacterial because that means they get some of those good antibiotics! (Read about those here) For some reason, your doctor doesn’t like to do much to help you with viruses other than suggest wimpy over the counter medications, rest, and hydration. Why is that? Isn’t there something useful your doctor can do for you?

Yes, there is. And they are doing it. 

What is a Virus?

Computer rendering of a virus under the microscope.

A virus is a specific type of germ. Viruses can be tricky to explain from a scientific standpoint because they are not actually living organisms even though they look and act like it. Other germs, such as bacteria and fungi, are classified as “living.” As such, they respond to and interact with the things around them, have their own unique genes, gain new skills in order to better survive, and even pass on these new skills to their young when they reproduce. Viruses on the other hand, do those things too. 

Wait, what? 

As you can see, viruses are weird. They have characteristics of both living and non-living things. However, they lack a key ingredient to being considered alive; metabolism. In short, metabolism is a process that living things (your body) use to do things such as grow, process the food you eat, heal wounds, etc. Imagine metabolism is your body’s engine that converts fuel into energy to make it run. Viruses don’t have an engine. However, they still are able to do one thing really well; reproduce. Imagine the device you’re reading this blog on being able to reproduce itself. That would make it seem alive, right? That’s why viruses are difficult to classify. Viruses, which are not alive, can reproduce (or replicate) themselves accurately and rapidly. They do this by hijacking our body’s core mechanisms, known as “cells.”

Your body is made up of billions of cells, and they are what make our bodies tick. Cells are where metabolism happens (the engine converting fuel to energy). They are often called “the smallest units of life,” and some people describe them as little microscopic cities. That’s generally a good way to imagine what a cell is and does. However, the cells in your body are also floating around in a special type of liquid called “interstitial fluid.” Therefore, a cell is a small city floating in water, so we are going to think of it as a ship in the giant ocean of your body. There are many types of ships, all with a unique purpose. And viruses, well…

Viruses are tiny zombie pirates. 

Viruses hang around the same places as all other germs (e.g. door knobs, T.V. remotes, your phone that you use while pooping and then again while you’re eating, etc). Your body gets attacked by millions of germs every second. However, many germs are alive (e.g. bacteria) and are simply looking to keep it that way. You know, upgrade from living on your toothbrush to living in a nice human body. However, viruses, being non-living zombie pirates, are evil and looking to capture, loot, and destroy all the ships (cells) in your body. 

How do they do this? 

Exponentially fast, that’s how. Imagine a single zombie pirate attacking a ship. He’s very sneaky and able to capture the ten crew members on board and turn them into zombie pirates too. Then, those ten pirates attack ten other ships, and now there are a hundred pirates. Keep this up and pretty soon you’ve got millions of pirates attacking millions of ships. 

That is how a virus works. It quite literally hijacks a cell and turns that cell’s machinery into a virus clone-making factory. Before too long, the cell can’t support itself anymore, so it dies and all the cloned viruses escape. Then these new viruses go and hijack other cells. Quickly, a single virus can become billions of that same type of virus in our body. This is called a viral infection and is the origin of the modern term “going viral.” One person sees a video and shares it with ten people, who each share it with ten other people and so on. Pretty soon, everyone has seen it. Except in our case it’s not a fun video, it’s a zombie pirate. 

Single virus attacking a cell.
Multiple viruses attacking a bacterial cell.

How did I get infected by them?

Viruses are tiny, so tiny even other microscopic germs would need their own microscope to see them. Therefore, it’s easy for them to find a way into our bodies once we come in contact with them. Here are some of the ways we are introduced to viruses as well as other types of germs.

  • Direct contact (You touched the virus.) 
  • Indirect contact (You touched something or someone that previously touched the virus.)
  • Water droplets (The freeloading virus hitches a ride on the water molecules in the air when someone coughs or sneezes.)
  • Air-borne (The virus is literally floating around in the air just waiting for you to breathe. What a jerk!) 
  • Sexual transmission (The funnest way and self-explanatory, I hope.)
  • Vector-borne (You came in contact with an animal or insect carrying the virus.)
  • Fecal transmission (You touched or ate poop infected with the virus. And it’s way easier and common than you think, buddy, so get off your high horse because you’ve done it too.) 

😮🤭🤢🤮

As you can see, viruses are masters of public transportation. Once you’re infected, some of the “virus clones” leave your body to travel somewhere else. This is called “shedding” a virus. Basically anyone infected with a virus is simultaneously shedding that same virus, making them dangerous to be around. What’s concerning is that you can begin shedding and spreading a virus well before you ever have any symptoms. So if you get sick on Friday, there’s a chance you’ve been spreading that virus to people since Monday.

How do I get rid of a virus?

So, here’s where you get frustrated, understandably. Basically, the answer is to wait it out. Remember that a virus is not alive, so we can’t just kill it like we can bacteria (with antibiotics) or fungi (with anti-fungals). Despite all the amazing medical knowledge and technology we have, viruses remain a difficult enemy. There is no cure for any virus. So what’s the answer? Well, how do you get rid of other inanimate objects? You destroy them. How do you destroy zombie pirates?

You burn the whole ship down.

Thankfully our body’s military (the immune system) is really good at finding hijacked ships (cells) and destroying them individually. As soon as a ship gets attacked by zombie pirates, the ship’s crew raises a specific flag to indicate to the other ships that it has been hijacked. The body’s military sees the flag and destroys the entire ship and all the zombie pirates onboard. The best thing we can do is assist our body’s military by supplying it with what it needs to keep fighting. This means drinking water, eating healthy food, resting to preserve energy, etc.

And that fever? That’s from the burning of the ships. See, a fever is a good thing. Even though a fever doesn’t make us feel great, it means the immune system (military) is fighting. Too high of a fever can cause other issues in our complex bodies, though, so we take medication to lower it. But in general, having a fever is a good sign. 

Image by GraphicMama-team from Pixabay

So, what is your doctor doing to help? They’re helping you identify the type of infection you may have. Is it viral? Bacterial? Fungal? Parasitic? Something else entirely? They are helping you figure out the problem, which is the most important step because each problem has a different solution. With any condition, the biggest help is in the diagnosis. That’s actually what you’re going to see the doctor for. Just because you don’t always get some fancy medication or procedure doesn’t mean they’re not helping you.

Ok, so how do I make sure I DO NOT get infected by a virus?

Well, you can’t. But you can greatly reduce your chances. Basic good hygiene habits go a long way in preventing infections. Most importantly, washing your hands thoroughly and frequently is the single best thing you can do to keep yourself from getting sick in general.

PRO TIP: If you want to greatly INCREASE your chances of getting sick, just go to a hospital/ER or other medical facility. Those places are crawling with all kinds of nasty germs because that’s where all the sick people with those germs gather. If you need to go, then by all means go. But if you don’t need to be there or your child doesn’t need to be there, try and avoid it because there’s a decent chance of leaving more sick than when you came.

Finally, just because it’s a virus doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal. There are some particularly very serious, deadly, and extremely contagious viruses out there. We’ve been able to identify a lot of them and develop things called “vaccines” to prevent them from ever infecting you. For the viruses that we have been able to develop a vaccine, getting vaccinated is the single most important thing you can do to avoid getting sick from that specific virus. Vaccinations (vaccines) are arguably the single greatest medical achievement in history and deserve a post all on their own. Read about those here.

I hope this helps you understand a little more of what’s going on the next time your doctor tells you that you’re sick with a virus. Now you know why you will need to gear up and support your immune system over the coming days. It’s at war with zombie pirates. 

Learn more, stay humble. 

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